i am back but not really Back

Sorry My Friends....is been a hell of a week for me.....and also the hellish of all is that my PC die and i cannot blog often r check my emails often. Ani way now i am in school with my Xgf hahhahah dunno doing wat i also dunoo.......and also later i am going to meet hannah and muhsin for The A.L.L thingy. Ani way if there is ani thing u wanna inform do feeel free to call me at 90274940 or either leave a msg and i will get back to u ASAP......

btw my friends i love u all

doesnt mean i dont contact u means i forget u k

i just want to make sure i want to really miss u thats all

CiaO

and kai

rulessssss

Friday the 13

ok today made me a very strong person. With so many thing happening back to back which was shocking for mi, i thank god for making it today and not other day else. First Big Bad News was a friend of mine whom i always meet at Gigs swinging him around, talking to him, the handshakes we made, the amount of fun we had together, passed away. In the beginning i was told it was an accident, ok that is still acceptable cause is down pure luck, but later in th evening when i was told that it was not an accident but a suicide i was shocked, stunned and speechless. Never did i knew that he was in a depression state, feeling oppressed by parents, his friends, his Gf, and the goverment( he just came out from DB) so yah and due to his nature of being independant, he seldom approach his friends to talk about his life. Worst still, he hanged himself inside his own room at his house. I am like so sadden by this event coz he looks so tough on the outside, i even respect him coz he has a no fear attidude, due to his small pint size build, he was daring and bold to jump into any moshpit and mosh, and also dare to pick a fight on some one who is bigger than his size. Second bad news was about my Xgf, i was told that she was hospitalize, and her mom is blamming FOC main Committees members for not taking any health declaration and also never look out for her daughter condition. which was ridiculous but i believe all these were said in the moment of madness. I was worried and feeling guilty, coz if i were to be with her till now, maybe this thing will not happen. Maybe i will taking good care of her and also making sure she is alright but now she is lying in the hospital. At first i heard that she was unconscious i was also very scared coz i dont want to lose another one whom i have interacted with and of coz she is my Xgf, and all those moments of happiness that we spent together........ Furthermore working was a bore and irritating coz i did not have the heart and concentration to work. So many things running through my Mind, MY XGF is my main priority, dan my Friend dan after that my work, and also those ppl around me. I was only thinking of every happiness moment that i have spent with all these people. After work had no choice but to go down and jam and jamming was also kinda crappy but i took this opportunity to destress myself forget about the happening and make sure that my life carries on which it is still till today...... Other than that, i was lucky to meet a girl and her name was Nisa who has a crush on mi hhahahaah and i am trying to get to noe her and give her a try out and who knows she might be the one. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ok this is the following day, ok yah i lazy to close this window so i decided to continue writing. went to work still no news from my XGF, and still worried for. Not long i receive a call from her best friend informing that she is ok and ppl can visit her already. i cant wait to visit her and make sure that she is ok. But wait, who should i go with, i cant find someone to accompany me so i decided to go with her two best friends. While waiting for her friends, i decided to msg her and yah we talk about our "outstanding" with each others like the hours of massage for each other, everything about the times where we were together. I felt weird but she kept rumbling about the past. Ok i just went with the flow coz she is sick. So when i reached there, i was persistant to enter the room coz her mom was around and yah i too was scared but in the end i still went in. While i was inside, we talk about us, the fun times we had, and we had a very fun and enjoyable period of time. She was laughing all the way and yah she got the taste of getting fed with the "last" Tactic and she was using all the signs that we were using to each other kinda stuff. I dunno whether is that a sign that i have made an impact in her life and she will always remember me or just another technique to get me not get over her. i dunno whats her main motive but yah i was realli happy when i saw her happy and alright. oh yah i took some time out from the shop, i left around like 2.30 than after that i left the hospital at 7 and like yah i was in the cab when my colleagues told mi that i no need to come back already and also i call my mom and my mom was screaming at me coz she told mi not to stay there long ah but i wanted to keep her comfortable there coz she was complaining is very boring. Furthermore i entertained her for very long haiz......but i never told her my feelings towards her and how i felt lah. which i think there is no point ah coz wait the reaction will be OH.......so sweet kinda reaction which i realli hate that. So what i did was i went for my dinner and Burger King dan after that asked Nisa to chat with me on the phone till my Batt flat ah. Nisa, i dunno i kinda like her coz of her looks and also yah she is smart but i need to get to know her attidude ah. I think maybe she is the one but yah wait how bout Huda.....hmmm ok i am still wondering maybe all are the one for mi is about who am i going to choose.

updates of wat happen.......

ok ppl for the past five days ago, alot of dramatic things happen in my life.
The first thing was crossdressing. Usually, is not that hardcore kinda crossdressing ah but this time round it was with ear rings and also with hair bands and also hair clips. every body was totally mesmerized by my changed ah. Even for my X gf. She was totally like jaw dropped kinda stuff. Ani way yah that was for the workshop and also got one guy was like so afraid for me he was even afraid to walk near me. It was kinda good experince for me even though most of the time i only do it in private parties. Opppss...... but yah first time doing it to public , the responses from the crowd is kinda posistive and also like no one discriminated me. That shows that our tennagers society are more open to such situation and are no more living in a naive world.

Furthermore, there was a few guys who like checking me out. I had a few guys like staring at me and like checking me out coz i was like wearing some mini skirt ah which was the same one that hannah gave to me and also, i was some tee and tie a knot at the side. so it kinda like look bitchy but still conservative outlook. Even the Tennis instructor was like checking me out until i like told him that hello i am a guy. hahahhahaah is realli amazing how guys can react top u within a short period of time. Now u can see how fast feelings and thoughts of someone can change so fast.

The other main aspect of the camp was not the camp itself but Me and my X. I was surprised that she messaged and say i was beautiful and also kinda like create a conversation kinda stuff. I just msg her like normal and like yah put on a professional out front. Ani way i should say she dont look sweet to me any more, she dont loook like she use to be ani more, maybe is her straight hair that she rebonded, maybe is a mentally kinda trick playing on me, but yah ani way she was like showing care and concern for me, but i have learn to keep my Ego high, but thats on the outfront but my heart still lingers for her how............

ani way today is a great day, is the 1st day of camp, i was like dressed super geeky nerdy, cant wait for tmr coz tmr i will be dressing up and making a mockery out of myself just for the sake of entertainment. ani way i will put up the links for u guys to check me out in while i was hot as a transexual hahahhahahahah soon ah once i gather all the photos up k.........

Kai The GeekY

Ok just now at work i was like so boring. There was no sale at all than have to tahan the Sam Pah Po. Luckily, there was my super Mom, who brought her Home made Laksa for me to feast on cause i will not be back for dinner. Ani way today, i managed to order 50 pieces of White round neck tee. It was the first time, i did such major transaction.

Ok after work, i straight away went to school. Ok while on the way, i heard from Yasmeen that Emy is coming for the workshop and the camp, wah lau i seriously dunno how it feels meeting her. Imagine those words that i have told her while i was with her, all coming true again but this time round, she know how i feel but i dont really know whats her real feeling towards me, or wait no feeling at all.

Ok had Murtabak at Al-kader for supper, and Ice Tea and Hot Milo. After Supper watched the so Al mighty Chelsea being humiliated by the hardworking and negative but impressive Liverpool. Ok it was a great feeling watching with so many kakis together and also making and pasing comments on the players. We were making a hell of a din while there were others sleeping at the Lounge. And the Final Outcome,

Liverpool 1 Chelsea 0

ok than just now before i went to bathe, Wenqi helped me decorate my Tee by adding a cute lime green tie on my Tee. Looks dam GeeKy.......i love....
ok People now i am in Freshmen Orientation camp hope to have great and memorable 6 days camp